“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” -Peter Levine
Childhood abuse or neglect; poverty; living in a marginalized or stigmatized body; pregnancy loss and infertility; sexual abuse; loss to suicide or a sudden event; divorce and post-separation abuse; life-threatening events; life-threatening or chronic illness/pain are examples of events that might leave us with post-traumatic responses. Traumatic stress can lead to a chronically overactive nervous system- either stuck in the "on" position (in a constant state of "alert"), or more withdrawn, (feeling fearful and turned "off "to people and experiences)- or vacillating between the two. These were all adaptive responses to trauma in the past, yet are no longer necessary to protect us, and often keeping us in a fearful state. Through work with the body, mind and breath we can learn to attune to even the most subtle "trauma responses" and lead a more intentional life. Trauma work can help us learn to understand ourselves better, befriend our nervous systems and develop deeper compassion for both ourselves and others after trauma (post-traumatic growth). |
Grief and loss change us- they rewrite our story. The loss of someone, or something, significant can affect how we think, move, eat, sleep, feel and relate. We may be grieving the loss of a parent, a child, a sibling or a spouse. We also grieve over other types of losses- a relationship, a marriage, a pregnancy, our health, our changing bodies, a dream that we had for our lives or even the loss of a way of soothing ourselves (through addiction, compulsive exercise or disordered eating). Often the grief we are experiencing isn't recognized by our culture or the people in our lives (disenfranchised grief), which makes mourning (the expression of grief) even more difficult. Attachment wounds and previous losses affect how we grieve and mourn.
Through grief work we can honor our tender hearts as we mourn, learn to navigate our changed world and walk with the grief.
The Tenets of Companioning the Bereaved by Alan Wolfet
1. Companioning is about being present to another person's pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
2. Companioning is about going into the wilderness of the soul with another human being: it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out
3. Companioning is about honoring the spirit: it is not about focusing on the intellect
4. Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
5. Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggle of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
6. Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading or being led.
7. Companioning means discovering the gifts of the sacred silence: it does not mean filling up every moment with words.
8. Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
9. Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion: it is not about imposing order or logic.
10. Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
11. Companioning is about curiosity; it is not about expertise.